Anchoring sucks.

That's all there is to it. Anchoring just sucks. I've tried all sorts of methods and they are just difficult to manage.  I'm staying awake because of slight drifts and strange movements. Sometimes I'll drag for what appears to be 20-30 feet but then holds steady while I take constant gps fixes. Fortunately my ipad can get gps signals and I was able to find a couple of very old apps to use. So I get the numbers and they keep changing. But changing just a bit larger than what my anchor scope seems. But then they go back to the original location. Too weird. I'm gonna have to get an android phone just so I can get an anchor alarm app to wake me if things drag. I also need to get an outboard. The winds really kick up, to try and row the boat and set an anchor alone is nigh impossible.

It's just that I can't really prepare for wind directions. I have a north/south tidal shift, but then winds have been coming from 360 degrees. That just isn't normal. It's supposed to be a 180 deg change dammit. East to West by way of south. I'm getting East to West by south back to East via north. And then at midnight I'm getting NorEaster winds.

Right now I have my anchors set ENE and WSW of my position, 180 deg of shift. This way I should have the best shifting and backup in case of drag. I'm running 70 feet of line from each and I'm a couple hundred yards offshore. So in case of drag I should have a second catching. But it might set too late and just leave me in the shallows.

Oh yeah, I also just learned that I'm right next to an alligator breeding area. Saw a baby in the parking lot on the way to the bathroom. So now if I wash ashore in the middle of the night I'll be crawling through the mangroves with the gators. Oh joy.

On an interesting note, there is no bioluminescence in the water or mud on this side of the point. There is on the other side.

The boat log May 17 - 22nd

I'll post some previous notes and relevant email blurbs later.

Today it is May 17, 2015

21:06pm

I am afraid. Last night I dragged anchor and didn't realize until I looked out the hatch. There was no other feeling. My boat was sliding down the anchorage and was almost upon the next vessel when I looked out. Unfortunately that was also the night when I thought that my anchor would hold and so didn't need the additional anchor to be prepped. I slowly was able to pull the anchor and rode from the lazerette and ready it to drop. I had also gone below and grabbed the oar hoping to not need it to push off from the other boat. I stood there in the driving rain, wearing nothing but my underwear, as I drifted within 20 feet of the other boat missing both it and it's anchor. I'm not sure just how lucky and unlucky you can be in a single moment but that was one of my golden ones.

So now I am scared of what tonite might bring. I have given up on have a prepped anchor and was able to row my boat forward to drop the second anchor at a 45 degree angle to the first. Hopefully it sets properly, but it's a fluke and they set quickly. Unless they don't and they drag.

I also extended the scope to almost 10 to 1 at low tide. I drifted into the reeds at low tide but I don't care. The anchor must hold. I must be able to sleep soundly at night. There is expected to be another thunderstorm with gusts tonight. If my anchors do not hold then I must give in and say that I can not handle this boat. There is nothing more to it. Anchoring is the mainstay of cruising. It is what allows you to rest. It provides the comfort in the darkness while the winds and rain thrash around you.

I have insurance anyone I hit. And if it's just me hitting the beach then so be it.

18 may 2015 11:45

It held. I stayed awake until 1am watching and jumping up with every new gust. Just tracking and tracking, even ran the gps software on the Ipad to see if it showed any movement. Then I slept but only til just before 7am. Awaking with a start, only to see everything in place. Nauseous with exhuastion and worry, I could only lay there. It's a beautiful morning. I finally got up to get stuff done.

Julia and the kid's serendipitous meeting yesterday on the road really turned my attitudes around. My last entry was quite dour, even though they had just left and I was in good spirits. The boat though is a huge source of stress. I just don't know how long I can keep this up. If the anchors hold for the rest of the week, if I can keep the water leaking in from becoming an issue, if I can learn to stabilize or just deal with the massive amounts of rocking. To make it through. To feel a glimmer of hope and reassurance that I've made the right decision.

So now I sit at a diner as my clothes wash next door. I really hope my solar charger comes soon. End of the month I might sign up for a data plan, see if the verizon phones can be tethered to a computer.

21 May 2015 13:39

Once again at the Seminole Library charging my electronics and checking on things. Storms are coming this weekend and since I also didn't want to deal with all of the chucklehead traffic for the holiday, I moved the boat to the east side of the peninsula. There's nothing there to make contact with if I drag, except for a slowly rising seabed. It's about 4 feet deep, or it was when I left so I hope nothing went wrong. I don't remember if I raised by keel all the way up or not. That sucks. I keep forgetting those little things. And I can't seem to figure out how to connect to the library's wifi with my laptop. So I'll just charge the pc and ipad. I think there is something wrong with the dock water at the VA so I'm going to switch to just drinking bottled from Walmart, so adding $20/month to expenses. I seem to be doing ok, but I need to figure out how to eat healthier. At this point I'm eating canned foods and they are stuffed with sodium- the clam chowder was 70% of the daily allowance on it's own! I'm not drinking enough water to clear out the sodium so I'm gonna need to solve these issues. Healthy foods that don't require refrigeration or cooking. I should just buy the sprouts thing so I can end up like a cow. Or I need to learn how to cook on the single burner. Tomorrow I'll go to my storage unit and get a larger pot and knife. I'll also need to order a gear hammock ($7) or a toy hammock ($9)- they use a three point connection which would be a great idea for the V.

So far I'm down to <$200 available on each of the credit cards. Wow. Crazy how much money I've spent, and the payments for those cards isn't coming due till the 23^rd. I think it will be about $2k on the 23^rd and then next month will be another $1800. I'll have the money as long as nothing big comes up. I

need to remember to go to the yard on saturday morning to move those boards.

Stardate friday, may 22, 2015 16:43

Solar controller has arrived! Installed and operating at about 1600, solid green light. Need to get a small zip tie from storage (and I was just there dammit) to attach it to ceiling. Solar panel is on the deck but not attached- except to some rope tying it to the mast. I'm trying to figure out the best place for it, the good thing is that I didn't install it before I left the yard. The place I originally planned would be caught by the jib sheets and either tear the panel off or just cut through the sheets.

But I am now getting 1.5 amps or so into the battery. I figure that I've been using the boat for 14 days, probably averaging 15 minutes of led lighting (3W) per day so about 1 amp(?!).Seems low but probably even less, I've mostly been reading with the backlight on the nook or watching ipad movies. Consider about 15 minutes on average for the vhf(7W) as well which is a little higher at 2 amps. So theoretically, the battery should be fully charged in 2 hours of direct sunlight. I should have good sun until 1930 then the angle gets severe, but by 1800 or 1830 it should be charged and the light should start blinking. Well the battery probably wasn't fully charged at the store and had been sitting for a bit.

I'm in a new anchorage, well actually the very first anchorage, a couple hundred meters from the boat launch at the War Veterans Park. It might actually be a better location overall since there is a public bathroom and drinking fountain with decent water. The main difficulty is the distance to shore, in the inflatable raft it's a pain to row in anything more than a light breeze. Tide is going out so, I'll wait for a slack tide to head into shore for refilling my water jugs.

Today I finally came to accept that it's not so bad out here. I've been reading and sleeping and taking my meds again. I stopped for a couple days because I needed to stay awake for the storm and to make sure my anchor didn't drag. Here I'm not so worried as there really aren't any boats for me to crash into, well except for the marina on the other side of the channel- but that's a good ways off. Wishful thinking.

So anyways, I started to understand that it isn't so bad, yeah, there's lots of things horribly wrong but I actually have gone sailing ON MY OWN BOAT a half dozen times in the past couple of weeks. That's more than the last 5 years or more. Now that I'm at a comfortable anchorage I'm also feeling less restless. This is a big thing. I'm not feeling rushed. There is a storm coming up in a couple of days and I'm trying to batten down and figure out what to do. I've got my anchors out in a 180 degree fashion, which means my anchor lines are a bit twisted- should cause a problem as they can take a bit of abuse. Hopefully.

1709 and the light is still burning on the controller. Yay! I'm recharging!

I think I'm spending too much on food. Dropped another $15 for lunch but it was soo good (Mexican chile verde w/ pork). That's in addition to the $7 fried chicken I had last night and the who knows how much the day before. Add in the $2 yogurts, $3 bag of veggies, $7 bowl of dates (though that will last a week or so). Monday the auto pay on my credit cards will go through and anything I buy after that should go on the July bill. Which will include a sprouting kit, hammocks, and stuff.

That's all for now.

Just not steady

So now It's almost 6 months from the last update, guess I'll write something again.

The biggest change is that I'm now living on a boat. A 23 foot Macgregor Newport sailboat. Small but good for me. I guess I'll post my boat log here. And then throw up some pics later.

I wanna be Kit Cloudkicker!

So if you grew up (or just watched cartoons) during the 90's there was a show called, "Tailspin" by Disney. It was a retelling of Jungle Book into a 1920's flying adventure, with one of the characters a kid called Kit. One of the things he would do was jump out the back of the airplane and with a wing on his feet, would "waterski" behind the plane doing loops and whatnot. I always thought that would be so fun!

As I grew older and got into airships, I again thought of Kit. With the slow speed of a zepellin you could design a small wing and cloud surf behind it with some sort of control. Yes, this is probably wrong but it still seemed fun. And now I found a pic of someone literally water skiing behind an airship. Ah the early days of flight!

http://blog.modernmechanix.com/blimp-tows-aquaplane-to-give-latest-aquatic-thrill/#more

oops

So I had forgotten about this blog. It's too weird to one day decide to start a blog and then realize that you had already written one only a couple of years ago. A good friend had proposed that I write one and I had always dismissed the idea, but apparently for a couple of months in 2012 I had tried it out.

Then promptly forgot about it.

So now I will start again, for the first time. Perhaps some other lost works will come to mind. Maybe I'm a secret millionaire?  Should I try and open a Swiss Bank Account, perhaps they will then tell me that I already have one?

I think I'll start with a where am I now.

Still in St. Pete, Florida. I'm now (mostly) stabilized on meds (quetiapine and lamotrigine) though of course the doses go up in regular intervals. But I've been making great strides in therapy using the ACT Method and my great therapist. Thank you Veterans Administration Hospitals! I wouldn't be here without you. That and my friends/family that have helped me along the way, thank you.

College never worked out, panic attack while trying to turn in the application caused me to never return. The plan is still there but the follow-through is unlikely for now.

Mostly I now read (e-ink is awesome) and wander the internet for ideas. I'm constantly trying to build a houseboat in my head. Perhaps create a plan for a trip. I was hoping for a "day sail around the Baltic" while my nephew was in Finland, but then my years old IRS bill took the money from my account. So no joy there. Perhaps something new will appear.

And that is why I'm still alive. The void of death is always available. I just have to open the door and step through if things get too bad, but for now I am an optimist. Mentally deranged but still thinking that things will get better. Not that they should, but it's just that there is a solid chance.

A chance.

A reason for living

I am suicidal.  I dream of killing myself.  I long for it.  In fact, I have wanted to die for about 20 years.  Almost every morning waking up, every evening drifting off.  My own death.  I don't know why.  I've tortured myself, I've tortured girlfriends with my ramblings. It is weird.

I have tried once. When I was 25, it was a bad year- death, unemployment, destruction of dreams, loneliness. Only I didn't die. Most disappointing.

I have had many near death experiences, but never died.  Never even used my "will to live" as they say in the movies.  I just lived. A bit of a bruise here, a scrape there.

So now is different.  I have actual medical professionals helping me. My own psychiatrist, psychologist, pharmacist, medical doctors, all working for me.   And it still doesn't go away.  Sitting in my room now for days on end.  My writing style has grown dull from the lithium.  My passions have died from the mixture of gabapentin and they have taken away my soothing drink with naltrexone.

So what do I have.

I have facebook.

Well more precisely, I have a friend on facebook who irritates the fuck out of me.

He is attempting to become a politico in his middle ages.  Not very bright during our school days that we spent together, he hasn't gotten any better.  But he apparently has decided to become a right wing conservative. Which is amusing to me, considering that he made it through private religious school on other people's money, joined the army and barely made it through, then he was a druggie (but didn't get busted), and his first daughter was born in a hospital paid for by medicaid.

So this is the ideal for self sufficiency?


Well he now has decided to throw links up on facebook.  I respond.  I respond with gusto. with flair.  sometimes with vitriol.  The anger makes me feel alive.  I am a defender of the weak.  Sometimes, I'm an asshole.

But not always!

And that is keeping me alive.

Too old to change

I took my college placement test today.  I qualified for the honors  (?) classes in english/humanities but missed college algebra by 2 points.  So maybe I'll retest on monday.  I went over to fill out some forms, and just couldn't sit in the crowd of people. screw it I missed some other deadlines and can't get my high school transcripts. fuck it I'm drinking. i bought some cheap wine and then I'm heading out.  maybe i'll get hit by a train.  never been hit by one of them before.


The idea of honors classes for college is weird.  It just looks like regular classes, maybe they are taught differently?