oops

So I had forgotten about this blog. It's too weird to one day decide to start a blog and then realize that you had already written one only a couple of years ago. A good friend had proposed that I write one and I had always dismissed the idea, but apparently for a couple of months in 2012 I had tried it out.

Then promptly forgot about it.

So now I will start again, for the first time. Perhaps some other lost works will come to mind. Maybe I'm a secret millionaire?  Should I try and open a Swiss Bank Account, perhaps they will then tell me that I already have one?

I think I'll start with a where am I now.

Still in St. Pete, Florida. I'm now (mostly) stabilized on meds (quetiapine and lamotrigine) though of course the doses go up in regular intervals. But I've been making great strides in therapy using the ACT Method and my great therapist. Thank you Veterans Administration Hospitals! I wouldn't be here without you. That and my friends/family that have helped me along the way, thank you.

College never worked out, panic attack while trying to turn in the application caused me to never return. The plan is still there but the follow-through is unlikely for now.

Mostly I now read (e-ink is awesome) and wander the internet for ideas. I'm constantly trying to build a houseboat in my head. Perhaps create a plan for a trip. I was hoping for a "day sail around the Baltic" while my nephew was in Finland, but then my years old IRS bill took the money from my account. So no joy there. Perhaps something new will appear.

And that is why I'm still alive. The void of death is always available. I just have to open the door and step through if things get too bad, but for now I am an optimist. Mentally deranged but still thinking that things will get better. Not that they should, but it's just that there is a solid chance.

A chance.